So unsettled...

Do you ever feel like so many things are coming at you....  not bad necessarily...  but just stuff.

We are finishing up school.... but that's not it...

We are without a pastor... our pastor resigned after six years...  our church is in transition... but that's not it.

I have struggled with vertigo for over a month...  but that's not it...

Then there is my sustaining longing....  some days it seems unbearable. God continues to give me His grace... it may not be the way I think it should be... but His grace is sufficient.  So really... that's not it...

I have  read/followed the Compassion Bloggers this week as they traveled to the Philippines. My heart has been touched, ripped open as I have watched and read the stories of their experiences. My heart is so pulled. I want so much to make a diffference.  I am struggling as I look at the pictures of all the children in the Philippines. Alyssa and I sort of picked Jhel and Mercy.  You know my word for this year is MERCY. As we went back last night to check...  both are gone. Sponsored?  I am suppose to be happy right? Jhel was waiting for longer than 6 months...   so why am I not jumping up and down?   See so unsettled.

I do have something on my heart....  not sure how much to share here...   looks like we will be stopping our sponsorship of Jamira.  She is an 11 yr old girl from Uganda. She is not with Compassion.  My heart is so sad. She does know we love her.  It is just so hard.

I normally hold it together. That's the last thing my Dad said to me...  "Hold it together...." I think I am more of a see my glass half full instead of half empty person...   guess I am just having a down day.

I wrote letters to our sponsored children yesterday. I decided to send them a picture of me... holding their pictures.

.. ..oh one more thing.... tomorrow at 11:30am I will have a phone interview with a Compassion representative...  it is part of my application process to become a Compassion Advocate.  I am nervous. Not so much for the interview but that I will be able to DO this that I believe God has called me to. Doubt is slipping in...   

So today I share part of my heart...   long...  but some of what is on my heart.

GRACE... GRACE....  HIS GRACE...