In November we will be married 39 years. We were high school sweethearts. We lived in the same town as our parents.... a couple years in and we moved to Georgia. Not far from where we live now. We lived next door to my grandmother for a couple years and then Billy joined the Navy. We were stationed in California and our first child was born. Our second child was born in Southern California and during that time~ Billy started having panic attacks. When she was four months old he was diagnosed with agoraphobia with severe panic attacks. Our life would NEVER be the same.
At the time of his diagnosis we were stationed in Meridian, Mississippi. Our children were 4 and 6 months. After the diagnosis they sent him to NAS Pensacola. We were there for a year before his medical discharge. We decided to settle back in Georgia and bought a small, wooden home in the town my grandmother lived~ Broxton. Billy loved the Navy and hated it being taken from him.
The following year our little house burned down and we moved out of town ... onto 5 acres of land and a mobile home. Michael was 6 and Mandi was 2. Life was hard. The fire took so much. The people of Broxton, home school friends and our church were so supportive. It was in August and it was so very hot.... from the time of the fire till we spent the first night on our place here... was only 2 weeks. All we had were the clothes we had on and a few things we salvaged from the house. Again, people poured out their love.
Billy continued to struggle with his illness and it affected all of us.... but mostly I saw it robbing him of his life...
Four and a half years later our fourth child was born. Two girls and two boys. 12, 8, 4 and newborn. Life was full. Still homeschooling. Four years later our 5th child was born... at 33 weeks because of pre-eclampsia. Seventeen month later our 6th child was born. Half a dozen.
That 6th child just turned 16 this month. Only 2 years left of homeschooling. My last year with 2 students. Life continues to change. I have so enjoyed this home schooling journey. So thankful for each one. We have always felt God called us to home school~ it has had its ups and downs. Two of my 6 wanted to go to school. That's hard. I choose JOY.
Agoraphobia has been the theft. All these years and it has been a battle. I feel like a single parent. He self medicates with alcohol. Very rarely going places. Home bound.
Sometimes I feel I can't go on. I get weary. I'm not some great person. God just gives me grace daily and I fail daily.
I'm lonely. But have so many friends and family that love me. God's ways are better than mine and even though I don't understand I can trust Him.
I question myself often and doubt myself. I love taking pictures and posting on instagram... looking for His beauty. Giving thanks. Counting my gifts.
I can't do any of this without HIM.